A change in your personality can be a good change.
Before I admitted to myself and everyone else I was gay, I was an extrovert. At every social gathering and work party, I was the centre of attention.
The parties I threw at my house were legendary. So was my secret Pimms recipe and the hangovers it caused.
I needed to be socialising because it hid the truth about how I was feeling. I was in a loveless marriage with no future and no hope. I hid my pain, behind endless parties and a large group of friends. None of those friends remained after I admitted the truth about my sexuality.
It is hard to admit and still hurts, when I think about how many people I supported, that disappeared when I needed them.
I was the very definition then, of an extrovert.
I have spoken about my journey on other posts. Needless to say, it was not easy and not received well.
The fact is when you find the right person the journey is worth it.
The Disappearing Extrovert
One of my biggest personal changes is the disappearance of my extrovert personality.
Over the years, my extrovert has gone introvert. I am no longer the centre of attention. Instead, I am a watcher. I prefer to stay on the outside and observe people. The parties have gone, although I still know the killer Pimms recipe.
For the last couple of years, I have been concerned about this change in my personality. Why have I become such a different person?
Then I watched a video on what it is to be an introvert and it was like my eureka moment. I was now an introvert.
The Questions it Left
The biggest question, I now ponder is, was I always an introvert? Trying too hard to fit in when I was gay, made me extrovert.
Was I trying to hide my true sexuality by putting on a complete facade? My extrovert was protecting the real me.
The one thing I can say without any doubt is I am much happier with my introvert. I actually like her. She is so much better than the loud, brash extrovert.
Giving time I believe everyone’s true self will be revealed.
Only when we are comfortable with ourselves, are we happy and free