The constant fear I suffer as a parent.
My little girl struggles with her social skills. She is two years old and isn’t talking. We are waiting for an appointment, for speech therapy.
For her development, we agreed it was best if she started nursery, in an attempt to socialise her. She starts in September, I haven’t questioned it.
Then I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a post about a child going to pre-school.
Normal, logical post, great idea I thought and then bam it hit me. Crippling anxiety at the thought of my little girl going to nursery.
How do I explain what is going on, to her? As she is non-verbal, she wouldn’t be able to tell me if it is difficult for her. My logical side says we will know. If it affects her that bad, we can wait another year.
What if the staff don’t understand her? I know they are trained professionals. Of course, they will understand her. They have children as young as 6 months. They can look after non-verbal children.
What about if they lose her or she gets hurt. She is quick and into everything?
And on it goes the anxiety and the fear.
I can’t talk to her other mum about this. It would, in all honesty, start her anxiety off. This is the last thing I need.
My logical half says that nursery is the best thing for her. It could even help develop her language and social skills. I also know that as she is a July birthday she will go to school when she is just 4. It is essential, she gets the best possible start.
From the moment she has been born I have lived with anxiety and fear. Fear of her chocking, fear of her going missing, it goes on. I know it’s illogical. I never suffered from anxiety of any form before she was born. Now it is always there.
As a parent, we have to make the best decisions for our children, even if it crippled us with panic.
We have to think of what is best for them, even if it might not be best for our mental health.
I have to put my fears aside and smile so she doesn’t pick it up.
I love her so much she is my world. Did I also mention in November there will be two of them to cause me crippling anxiety?
Sam H Arnold is a writer and mother. Using her 25 years experience in teaching she offers coaching programs for writers. Stay in touch by joining her email list.